Vanilla Twilight

The stars lean down to kiss you 
And I lie awake and miss you 
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere 

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly 
But I'll miss your arms around me 
I'd send a postcard to you, dear 
'Cause I wish you were here 

I'll watch the night turn light-blue 
But it's not the same without you 
Because it takes two to whisper quietly 

The silence isn't so bad 
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad 
'Cause the spaces between my fingers 
Are right where yours fit perfectly 

I'll find repose in new ways 
Though I haven't slept in two days 
'Cause cold nostalgia 
Chills me to the bone 

But drenched in vanilla twilight 
I'll sit on the front porch all night 
Waist-deep in thought because 
When I think of you I don't feel so alone 

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone 

As many times as I blink 
I'll think of you tonight 
I'll think of you tonight 

When violet eyes get brighter 
And heavy wings grow lighter 
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again 

And I'll forget the world that I knew 
But I swear I won't forget you 
Oh, if my voice could reach 
Back through the past 
I'd whisper in your ear 
Oh darling, I wish you were here

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I was pondering something in my head and decided to ask someone other than myself... Does one little sentence really matter that much? Can it change your life forever? Change everything you ever thought was possible, what was right? When you’re teetering on the brink of destruction, can one phrase really make you or break you as they say? Which of the many infinite possibilities of lines that could be said or even read are the ones that can do this? And who would have the courage to do so, all the while knowing that it could change someone forever? Can you answer me? Anyone? Or at least ponder it yourself...make me feel a little less like a lunatic? About a month ago I was given one phrase that has definitely changed my ENTIRE life. “You need help, Madi…and you are going to Fairfax.” I never expected that one phrase would ever have such an affect on me. But here’s how I have changed: I now have a phobia of cameras (like video cameras in banks and stores and stuff…not picture taking ones) and frosted windows. I also absolutely hate fog (because you can’t see things through the window…or at least not clearly…). I have a new pair of pants from a girl who was there. I officially don’t care whether or not I do my hair or make-up (even though I still do it). I am probably mentally and emotionally scarred for life and am probably worse off than I was to start with. I no longer own a razor blade. I no longer have texting…or for that matter, a phone. I have way less freedoms and my mom wont let me hang with my only best friends, Emily, Amanda, and Alyssa because they might be a bad influence on me, because I’m fragile (AAAHHHHHH!!!!!). And I have met the most amazing person ever and I may be falling in love with him. Exept for the last part...I kinda want to say: "SOMEONE SHOOT ME!".

yeah...

ok I'll be done now... :/

woooooowwwwwwwwww...

OK so lots to tell u.... i broke up with jordan i got a new phone i had an awesome choir concert i started going out with Sam :) i had another choir concert i ran away from home i went home again i missed tolo :( i tried to kill myself i was admitted to Fairfax mental hospital i met an amazing guy there and an amazing girl too i discharged i was a wreck i got a puppy and here i am. happy holidays everybody! fill you in on the details later! gotta go Christmas shopping! :) new cell phone!

hehe :D

Yay! I has a bf again! His name is Jordan but I call him bio. Most people do... :) This, btw, prob. wont last very long... Oh yeah..and I got txting back! Double yay! Oh and I am BIPOLAR. I take meds now. Cross your fingers and lets hope they work!

I need these shirts!

LOVE THOSE PANTHERS!

I'm so gonna be a cheerleader...lol

heyyyyyy.

sorry about that guys...I've been SFP for the past two weeks. (Suspended From Privileges)But so far...nothing interesting has happened..... ¿Y a mi un seguidor, ha leído usted mi comentario? Dejé uno allí para usted. Querría conseguir para conocerle. quién es usted? al mensaje mí apoyo, voy a www.freetranslation.com y el tipo y a mensaje inglés a mí en su blog. Anyways..... I don't know....OH! I might get my phone back soon! It's really crappy, but at least it's a phone! ummm....other than that, nothing new has happened since the last time I was on. Oh wait...my very first phychology session is on Monday at 3:00! I cant wait. I have needed this for a looooooonnnnngggg time. YAY! Well, sssseeeee ya laaatttteeeerrrr!

wow

Does anyone know how to speak French? I love French. Mr.Dole is gonna be my French teacher my Junior year. OK, got really sidetracked. Anyways...."DEETS" I promised: OK, so ummmm.....we got there and we waited for Alex. I was already mad at him, and not telling you how, I made Aly mad....so she picked up her phone and said that she was going home...and I believed her so I got up and just started walking away. I found my buds, Joel and Daniel, and so we went over to the softball fields and hung out for a few min. Then we went into the football game and ran over to my other friends, Caleb and Alex. (diff. Alex...the cute one) anyways....then Caleb yanks me over to the side and asked me if I was "digging" Alex. I told him I guess...then he and Alex ditched me with Caleb's current gf, and I talked with her for 15 minutes. Then I decided to go look for Aly. When I went to find her, Daniel (other Daniel...haha...the cute one, too.) ran up to me and...like, jumped at me... :) We had promised to hang out at the game, remember? So we eventually went over to my BFF Catherine and her new bf Micheal, and we hung out for like, ever. Then Alyssa comes up to me (from outta NOWHERE!!!) and hits me...haha...then we bought some snacks after telling the long story of what we had been doing...then we all talked for a LONG time...then we decided to explore. We (me, Aly, and Daniel) all went to the softball fields and go in between the field and the tennis court to see where it went. Aly then announces she has to pee, and walks away, leaving Daniel and me alone with nothing but a package of blue Sour Straws. (oh baby...lol...jk) So, being that Daniel and I had been flirting ALL day, I decide to use this moment. I stick a sour straw in my mouth and just turn to him with part of it sticking out. Without saying anything, he bites down on the other half. (of course we needed a moment to chew...) Then we hardcore start kissing...we eventually move from stand-kissing to sit-kissing. Then I began to freak out. I mean, we were in a dark, alone area, kissing, and he could pull anything. I pushed him back and slowly explained my thoughts on what was going on. He told me that he doesn't believe in taking advantage of girls, and never intended on going further than kissing (of course we continued kissing...). A little while later I get up and say "remember...you promised we'd watch at least the last quarter of the game..." so we get up and take our seats. (we won the game...RAH RAH RAH!!!" 28-14!) Then, he left and I entered the dance. I found Catherine and her bf there, but didn't see Aly. We danced, but before I knew it, I was being set up with someone else! (first Alex, now this?) Mike was asking me if I like his friend, Chris, and I said, "duh...he is so cute!" then they ran over to him and it was a funny hour long running back and forth between the two of us...then I absolutely HAD to leave, because my step-dad was waiting for me...so I decided to take matters into my own hands, and I walked right up to him, grabbed his arm and pulled him away from Mike. I looked right into his eyes, blushed, and managed to stutter, "I'm really shy, sorry. I'm so bad at this! Ummmm...will you go out with me?" he of course said yes!!!!!!! I was so happy!!!!!!!! So now I have a football playing, blond, blue eyed, adorable, sweet, shy, nice, considerate, animal-loving, fun, hilarious, wild boyfriend that could beat the crap out of a full grown man, yet still give me the sweetest and most gentle hugs. YAY ME! Oh yeah, and my step-dad threw a wild party yesterday...I loved it. It was so fun! He is a six-foot-four gigantic firefighter with friends that are all about the same size...so I went barely noticed with my friend, Krystal. That's OK, though, because there was a teenage/kid room with Rock Band 2 and Halo 3. Dakota, my brother, Logan, Garren, Nate, and some parents were all in there with us. It was funny, all the people were all crazy....and my mom let two cartons of eggs fall out of the refrigerator...it was really funny sounding. I was upstairs when it happened, and all I heard was AHHHHH!*crash, boom, bang*, then someone else laugh and say, "call a paramedic! Oh wait, there's like 50 of 'em here!" it was hilarious.... Well, I should go now...there's the details! kisses! *muah* haha

homecoming and some dancin guy.

Wow...you have to check this guy out at http://www.theevolutionofdance.com/ he is soooooooo cooooooooooollllll! He's an ah-mazing dancer. Anyway, I am having a ballin time here at my house waiting for HOMECOMING at 6! (not) Ooohh emmm geee, I cant decide what to wearrrrrrr! Hahaha...I am going to the game with Daniel, then to the dance with Aly and any other buds that wanna hang with me as friends, or guys as a date... :) But no one will! I can promise u that. The dress I hope I can wear as homecoming queen in my senior year is.... ........................................................ Booooyahhhh! Oh snap! Haha wow. But yeah...so I am single and dateless and it is sad. The last bf I had cheated and I haven't had a bf since! But I'm proud to be a single chick, because I get to be a flirt! Haha...no PDA for me though....I'm not like that anymore...at least not as much! I try not to be. Ugh. I'm in a fight with my bud Alex, because he doesn't like me hanging with my other bud HEATHERRRR. And, if you are reading this, get over it! I know what I'm doing. Just because you don't think I am in control over my life, doesn't mean that I'm not. Because I am. Not YOU. well....I guess I'll go now....see ya later. I'll fill you in on the "deets" later...or tomorrow or whenever I get on. I am gonna have a busy weekend.

nice. ;)

wow. My computer is being SOOOO RETARDED. gotto go to bed, cuz homecoming is tommorow! TOODLES!